insomnomaniac

The definition of "civilization"

I used to think I knew the answer to this.

I used to think it had to do with the ability to read, or write, or maintain a system of laws, wear clothing, eat cooked food, that sort of stuff.

But living in a place like Boston--a place where people do or have all of the above and still seem barbaric somehow--made me question this point of view, made me wonder what really separates us from creatures just slightly more evolved than chimps.

Living in Charlotte may just help me find the answer, or more accurately, answers plural. I have a feeling it will take me longer than one month to come up with a comprehensive list, but here are some preliminary findings:

• COURTESY/POLITENESS: Whether it's the Chick Fil-A worker who says "My pleasure" almost reflexively every time you say "thank-you" to them, or the jogger who not only stops and looks before running out into the road, but then waves to thank you for letting them go and hurries even faster to get out of your way, the sheer consideration and kindness of people here is as big a mood enhancer as chocolate is or ever was. Courtesy and politeness are markers of self-respect. Ever seen an animal (or barbarian) with much of that? Didn't think so.


• TOLERANCE: I'm not talking about talking about tolerance, the way people in Cambridge do (incessantly). I'm talking about living it. True tolerance means being able to have a polite (see above) conversation with someone who's different from you, does not share your views, or even violently opposes them, without condescension, insults or rage. I'm not suggesting everyone here is like this, but in the short month I've been here, I've met more people who are than I met in the entire 6 years I lived in what is supposed to be the most tolerant state in the nation.

  How does this work differently in "civilization" you ask? Simple: Self-segregation. Sounds contradictory, doesn't it? Well, it may be in a literal sense, but in practical terms, it seems to be a lot easier for different people to be truly tolerant of each other when they are not either forcing themselves on those who disagree with them or are different, or forcing themselves away from them in protest. Massachusetts is like "Animal Farm" in the "some animals are created more equal than others" sense, but Charlotte is more like "all animals are created equal, especially in the eyes of their own kind."

  I'm sure to the jaded bitter eyes of a New England Yankee, an area in which people don't agonize over racial desegregation, or "alternate lifestyle" education, or "gay rights" would seem backwards, but to me, it just seems sensible. If you don't force things, if instead you "integrate" at your own pace, or in certain areas of your life but not in others, and if no one else makes you feel bad or wrong or evil or stupid for being this way, you're more likely to have positive experiences when you step out of your comfort zone, less likely to resist doing so, and more likely to tolerate the differences you find there because you know you can go back without penalty or prejudice.



• CLEANLINESS (of restrooms in particular): No, I'm not kidding. Things are just plain cleaner here, especially the public restrooms! And believe me, being as pregnant as I am, I've tested my fair share in the past month. From the ones at the shopping malls to the fast food restaurants, the bathrooms have been so clean I've started going just to see if I can find one that isn't!

  There's also no random trash just floating down the street, or massive piles of cigarette butts outside every entryway. They still allow smoking in the bars here--maybe that has something to do with it (i.e., ashtrays aren't illegal in public places) but honestly, I'm not sure which is worse--making the smokers hang around outside every doorway or in their cars--passive-aggressively flicking their butts onto the sidewalk or into the street--or allowing them to sit in bars smoking up a storm. Actually I do, I no longer hang out in bars smoking or no smoking. I drive everywhere and walk in and out of plenty of buildings!

Like I said, it's a short list so far, but it's a work in progress. I only know that since I've been here, I've felt happier and calmer, despite all the stress I'm going through (remember, I still haven't moved into our house yet, they haven't even finished it yet, we haven't closed on our sale in MA and then there's the being preggo and raising an opinionated little toddler thing...).

I can only conclude that the "civilized" way people behave here has a lot to do with it, and yes, thankfully, it IS contagious (or, put another way, "northeasternitis" is a disease with a cure!

Posted by insomnomaniac at November 15, 2005 1:48 AM