insomnomaniac

Diplomacy, Soprano-Style

Frank has a suggestion for how to deal with North Korea:

The only way you can talk to these people is to do it the way Tony Soprano "talks" to people. Someone like Kim Jong Il is only going to do what's right if you make him think he's going to get ripped apart otherwise. South Korea should find their best thugs to "meet and greet" 'ole Jongy-boy. For starters, they should drag him to the nearest restroom and hold his head in the toilet for like twenty seconds.

South Korean Thug: "Now, Jongy, all this talk about nuclear weapons has sort of distressed us."

Kim Jong Il:"You can't do this to me! I'm... gurgle gurgle gurgle"

Thug: "Hey, this is a discussion. That means when I talk, you listen, Capisce? And, to make things easier for you, when it's your turn to talk, we'll tell you what to say. If you understand, stare at us like some goofball."

Jong:"Don't hurt me!"

Thug:"You ain't giving the orders here! What you are going to do now is go and disarm all your nukes, and then you're going to go comb your hair like a big boy. Otherwise, next time you see us, we're going to up our level of dialogue."

They should then rip the paper towel dispenser off the wall and beat him with it, sort of as a punctuation to their "talks." Finally, they can shout, "Stay out of a Brooklyn!" before heading out the door (they might want to replace "Brooklyn" with some South Korean place; I'm too lazy to look any up). Do it right, and that will be the last problem they have with North Korea, because even the craziest dictators tend to hate being beaten with things.

Posted by insomnomaniac at January 24, 2003 3:42 PM | TrackBack